I’m at my desk, listening to the rock band Disturbed sing “Sound of Silence” while watching the powerful video and emotions on lead singer David Draiman’s face. His haunting and commanding voice stirs everything that matters, and beckons, within me. I’m brought to memories of my youth, sitting at the piano with my cousin as she played this Simon and Garfunkel song and we sang together. Those were joyful times to tap into, which matched the lighter, soulful start of Draiman’s version, with the delicate touch of the piano equally blending and briefly overpowering his velvety soft voice. But the memories were fleeting as they were quickly replaced by a soulful wrenching that squeezes my essence in a vise grip demand to feel all that is now present in my life. My chest tightens as my breath shallows and the only option is to authentically experience the emotions that are released with the fury of a flash flood. The perpetual crescendo of the music and his steely voice reverberates throughout my body, mind and spirit and forces purpose to the forefront. What am I doing with my life? What am I not doing that I must do? Why am I settling for anything less than what my soul aches to do? What am I doing that matters? How can I make a much bigger difference? Where am I asleep and need to WAKE UP? What within me demands of me to be fearless and take action?
Something is screaming to be released from within me, yet I cannot fully access it. Why can’t I channel it into something to release, to share, to give flight and freedom? “WHY?!?!” I scream into my empty room. I ache to find the answers, for someone, anyone, to show me the way. I search within, I look without, I beg a source greater than I to dare to be direct and share that which I crave like an addict. Silence.
“‘Fools’, said I, ‘you do not know. Silence like a cancer grows. Hear my words that I might teach you. Take my arms that I might reach you.’ But my words, like silent raindrops fell, and echoed in the wells of silence.”
But I don’t want to be silent. Not anymore. I want to be heard. I want to be seen. I want to take a stand. For humanity. For something that matters. For people to access their most precious gifts that lay dormant within them, languishing and begging, as mine, to find a voice.
“And the people bowed and prayed” screams from my speaker in the angry, guttural tenor voice of a man who is accessing all I crave to touch, to feel, to share.
I dare to disturb the sound of silence. I refuse to allow songs be written and not heard, art to be created and not shared, words written and not seen, humans (and animals) born and not loved. With every ounce of my warrior conviction I swear I will find my way to access all that is within me struggling to be released and boldly shared. There is a cauldron boiling over, uncontainable and ready to erupt. It’s close. And when she blows, life will never be the same. Nothing will contain me – no fear, self-doubt, judgment, others’ opinions – NOTHING. I am a force to be reckoned with and I dare anyone to try to hold me back. I dare you. You will experience the same fiery conviction I witnessed as Draiman sang this song. You will witness MY fierce, unshakable conviction of all I hold sacred. You will know it as I experience it. And after, neither of us will be the same.